


Nyctophobia

by NoblestRomanOfThemAll (AnxiouslyGoing)



Series: Found Family AU [7]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Brotherly fluff with a side helping of angst, Discussion of Past Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Logan and Patton will be joining in chapter two, Nyctophobia, discussions of phobias, slight mentions of bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:28:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29648559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnxiouslyGoing/pseuds/NoblestRomanOfThemAll
Summary: Power outages are never fun. They're even less fun when you're in a new environment and are afraid of the dark. Add to that a history of being made fun of for it and... well, it's really no wonder Roman is so upset.
Series: Found Family AU [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1821112
Comments: 11
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

Virgil sighed and stared up in the dark toward the ceiling. Outside, thunder rumbled again and there was a distant flash of lightning that briefly lit up the room. He wasn’t going to be sleeping anytime soon, he reasoned and pushed himself out of bed, so he may as well make some tea. He pulled his hood up as he quietly slipped through the door, then stopped when he saw the light streaming out from under Roman’s door. 

Virgil paused briefly and stared at the door before deciding to tap lightly on it. “Hey, you awake?” he called softly when there was no reply. The pause continued and Virgil was nearly ready to walk away when the door cracked open. 

“Hey,” Virgil said again. “I was gonna make some tea or somethin’. You want any?” 

Roman blinked. “Is that- Can we?”

The younger teen shrugged. “Yeah. Lo and Patt know I don’t sleep much when it storms like this. It’s cool.” 

“Oh. Uh, su-sure.” Roman pulled his hands into the sleeves of his hoodie and followed Virgil downstairs. “You guys keep the Christmas lights up all year?” he asked, half gesturing at the string of lights at the base of the banister. 

“Yeaahh, that’s kinda my fault. I slipped going down the stairs in the dark a few months ago and gave myself a concussion. Patt wanted to make sure it didn’t happen again so he put the lights up.” 

“So you’re up a lot then?” 

“Kinda. I, uh, I can kinda be a little bit of a night owl, I guess. You too?” 

“Hm?” 

“You’re light was on.” 

“Oh. Right. Y-yeah, me too.” 

Virgil flicked the kitchen light on and set to work filling the kettle. “There’s mugs in that cupboard,” he pointed with his head. Once the kettle was going he moved to pull out the tea. “Chamomile or mint?” 

“Ah, i-it doesn’t matter,” Roman answered and gently set the mugs on the counter. 

Virgil arched a brow. “Gotta pick one, dude. I’ve got enough of my own indecision.” 

“Uh. Mint? I guess?”

“Cool.” Virgil took out two packages from one of the boxes and offered one to Roman before opening his own and dropping it in the mug and wrapping the tag around the handle. Roman mimicked his actions and tossed the empty package into the trash. Virgil perched himself on the counter to wait for the water to start to boil. He glanced up at the ceiling at the loud peel of thunder when the lights went out. 

There was a sharp gasp and clattering sound and Virgil hopped off the counter and flicked off the stove. “You okay?” He could hear Roman’s heavy breathing in the sudden dark and reached out, trying to find the older. “Roman? Whoa, geeze!” Virgil grabbed the counter when he nearly tripped over Roman who had dropped to the ground and huddled himself against the cupboard. “Hey, it’s alright,” Virgil tried to assure, resting his hand on what he assumed was Roman’s shoulder. “I can get us to the couch. Give me your arm.” 

Silently Roman let Virgil tug him to his feet. 

Virgil looped his arm through Roman’s and locked their hands together, dutifully ignoring the slight tremble in Roman’s hand. “Alright, I’m gonna try to keep us from running into anything, but no promises. Hey, breathe, okay? Deep breath in, deep breath out. Nice and slow, okay?” He gently tugged a very stiff Roman from the kitchen and together the new siblings made their way slowly toward the couch. Luckily they made it without incident. Virgil moved his hand to hold Roman’s wrist and guided him to where the arm of the couch was. “There it is. Go ahead and sit down, I’m gonna find another blanket. There should be one on the back of the couch.” 

There was the sound of rustling material as Virgil moved to search for the recliner and the blanket that was stored there. Once he had it, he dropped next to Roman on the couch. For a long moment, there was silence save for the continued rain. 

“If you wanted we could try to go upstairs,” Virgil offered. “I know my way around pretty easily- Or, I could get Logan if you want. If it would help.” 

“I don’t think it matters much,” Roman whispered. 

“Then I’ll stay with you. Okay? We don’t have to go anywhere, we can just stay right here where it’s safe, okay?” 

Roman pulled his knees to his chest and nodded into the pitch black. 

Virgil bit his lip, unsure of what to do. If it were Janus he’d just tuck an arm around him or pull him over to make him lie down. But this wasn’t Janus. Janus he’d known for years now. Roman he’d only met a month ago. And like most kids Virgil had met in the system, Roman had walls. In the month that he’d lived with them, Virgil had only ever seen them slip when Logan was around and even then there seemed to be a nervous energy about him. 

Virgil didn’t blame him for it. Logan had told them that he’d been moved around a lot, and even only moving the handful of times that Virgil had, had taught him to be careful who he was around certain people. Truth be told it took him a while to get used to Logan when he’d first moved in. And as comfortable as he had been with Patton from knowing him years before, there was a little tension to it at first. They were both slightly different people than they had been when they knew each other as kids. 

It was a little scary at times. 

So if anything Virgil could sympathize with Roman’s situation. That didn’t mean he knew how to help. 

A sniffle, barely audible over the storm, broke Virgil from his musings. There was another flash of lightning and it was just enough to illuminate Roman’s outline, face buried in his arms that rested on his knees. 

“Hey.” Tentatively, he rested a hand on Roman’s back. 

Roman started. “S-sorry. I-I didn’t-” 

“No, hey, don’t be sorry, okay? This really sucks. I mean, you’ve barely been here a month and now you’re stuck downstairs in the dark with some punk kid you barely know. I’d be upset too. I mean, I'm not exactly the poster boy for being calm," he half chuckled. "Me and Janus tried not sharing a room at first and I didn't even make it the full night before I ended shoving him over and making him share the bed with me. Then, uh, then the first storm I did the same thing to Patton, so I'm- I'm actually a pretty bad comparison for...how most people respond, I guess." 

"Seem to be handling this one okay," Roman offered. 

"Yeah, yeah. It's...it's, uh, ki-kinda of a seasonal thing a little bit. And then- really it's like...the days where it's not a super heavy rain, but just kinda hangs that makes me nervous. And, like… getting rid of that feeling is hard, y'know? It's not a phobia though. I know those suck though. Patt's  _ deathly _ afraid of spiders, so y'know if you hear him scream then go running for the door-" 

"I'll be sure to run in the same direction," Roman answered blandly. 

"Good to know… I-I'm sorry. None of this is helping, is it?" 

"Well, you're not judging me or telling me to 'man up' so there's that at least," Roman replied tiredly. 

"No one's gonna do that here," Virgil answered sincerely. "Literally every single one of us is traumatized or neurodivergent or has a mental illness or some jacked-up combo of the three. It's a hard thing to get your head around, but literally, the _only_ thing I will judge you for is eating carrots." Virgil smirked at the confused pause. 

"There are worse things to eat than carrots," Roman argued. 

"Name  _ one _ ." 

"I knew a kid who ate ketchup with his Cheetos." 

This time the confused silence came from Virgil. "Okay, I'm gonna judge that too," he relented. 

Roman snorted. 

"Hey, I'm sorry I woke you up earlier. You wouldn't even be down here if I hadn't." 

"I also might've woken up in the middle of the night and panicked when the lights were out. Which would have been worse. Thanks for...staying with me." 

"That's what family does." 


	2. Rescued

Patton startled awake at a rumble of thunder that he was sure had shaken the whole house. He reached out, trying to find the bedside lamp in the dark, and sighed when it refused to turn on. The power was out. Perfect. He found his phone instead and blinked rapidly in the brightness of the screen, which told him it was only 1:17 in the morning, before finding the flashlight function and his glasses. 

Patton tugged on a sweatshirt and went to check on the kids. Really it was Virgil he had in mind; the rain had a way of unnerving him that, while completely understandable, could keep him from sleep. Which was to say nothing of the effect the weather could have on his arm. The teen had once joked that what was left of his right arm was something of a barometer, it always got sore when it was going to rain. Logan had tried to explain the phantom pains were more likely due to the unremembered trauma, and while Virgil had agreed that, while that did make sense, it wasn’t half as funny to think about. 

Virgil hadn't slipped into his room though, so Patton took that as a good sign and poked his head through Roman's door first. He frowned in surprise to find the room empty. Roman hadn't said anything about not liking storms or lightning...then again he really hadn't said much about himself at all. 

Maybe he had just sneaked over to Logan's room, Patton reasoned and moved to the room Virgil and Janus shared next.

Janus was blissfully unaware of his surroundings and remained peacefully asleep when the door opened and the light from Patton's phone streamed in, which was also a good thing.

Virgil's bed was empty. 

Patton frowned, puzzled more than anything. It was  _ possible  _ that both had ended up in Logan's room, but it did seem pretty unlikely. Still...it couldn't hurt to check. After all, if Roman  _ were _ to slip into another room it’d make sense for it to be Logan’s. But for both of the boys to end up there… It didn’t quite make sense to Patton.

\---

Logan lifted the covers without opening his eyes when he heard someone coming into his room; habit more than anything directed this. Habit and not wanting to actually sit up. He was cozy. 

"Are Roman and Virgil in here?" Patton's voice asked in the half-light. 

Logan opened one eye and frowned. "What?" 

"Roman and Virgil," he said again. "They aren't in bed, so I thought they might be in here." 

"Must be downstairs…" Logan mused, his voice heavy with sleep as he pushed himself upright and scrubbed the sleep from his eyes. 

“The power’s out,” Patton explained. He shone the light on Logan’s nightstand to help him locate his glasses. “That’s why I went to check on the kids.” 

Logan hummed thoughtfully as he slid the black frames over his nose and came to his feet. "And you're sure they're not in bed?" 

Patton nodded. "Janus is still asleep, but he's never been bothered by the weather." 

"Roman didn't say anything to me about it, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Suppose all that's left to do is checking downstairs." 

\---

"The cavalry has arrived!" Virgil grinned when Patton and Logan came down the stairs, flashlight in hand. 

"What are you guys doing down here?" Patton wanted to know. 

"I was gonna make some tea, but the lights went out before we could get it started," Virgil explained. "I didn't have a light, so we were just hanging out." 

"But you're both okay?"

"Ah, yeah," Virgil waved off Patton's concern. "We didn't even run into anything coming out of the kitchen." He slid into a half hug and dutifully ignored when Roman nearly launched himself at Logan.

"Are you really okay?" Logan asked Roman softly and he simply nodded into Logan's shoulder. 

"Why didn't you get the flashlight from under the sink?" Patton asked. 

Virgil's eyes went wide then his face crumpled. "Because I forgot about it. I am  _ so  _ sorry, Roman. I didn't even _think_ about that. I just wanted to get you out of the kitchen and someplace comfy. I _totally_ forgot-" 

"It's okay," Roman mumbled. "I know it wasn't on purpose. Thank you for staying with me." 

"I mean, you're welcome, but seriously-" 

"It's okay, Virge. Really. You staying helped.” 

"Well, I'm glad you're both alright, but we should really get you guys back to bed." Patton said and guided the others back up the stairs with his flashlight. "Are you gonna be okay on your own?" he asked when they got into the upstairs hallway.

"Yeah, if anything I'll wake Jan up and give him a hard time for not noticing I was missing." Virgil gave Patton a quick side hug before ducking into his room. "Night, guys." 

Patton ruffled his hair as he walked away. "G'night, kiddo."

"How are you feeling?" Logan asked Roman. 

The teen shrugged and wrapped his arms around his stomach self-consciously. "I don't know." 

"Why don't I drop you two off at Logan's room and you guys can talk and decide what you wanna do from there?" Patton suggested. 

Roman nodded dully. "Okay." 


	3. Safe

“There we are.” The flashlight came to life in Logan’s hand. “I think we’ll be alright now, Patton. Thank you for waiting.” 

“Happy to help! Don’t stay up too late though, okay?”

“We won’t,” Logan promised and hugged Patton lightly. “Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight, Lo. Goodnight, Roman,” he called softly to the teen, who had plunked himself down on the foot of the bed. 

Roman half glanced up and nodded. “Yeah, night.” He slouched over when Logan took a seat beside him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. 

“Are you okay?” Logan asked and set the small flashlight into Roman’s hands. 

Roman clenched his jaw and shook his head. “I keep-” he inhaled sharply and tried to start over. “I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.” 

“What do you mean?”

Roman laughed tearfully. “Nobody’s been- It’s fine for the first few minutes, y’know, but after the ‘surprise’ goes away you’re supposed to ‘calm down’ and ‘be fine’ and ‘get over it’ and you hit ten and all of a sudden it’s supposed to not bother you anymore. You’re supposed to ‘grow up’ and it’s- It always happens. They all got mad or made fun of me. And I know you won’t. I _know_ you won't. But it always happened. So I keep waiting for it. Waiting for you to make me stay by myself or making me stay in the dark, so I get ‘used to it’." 

"I know you know this, but I think it may help you to hear me say it. Roman, I will never make you stay in the dark alone. I will never make fun of you for having a phobia of any kind. While there is something to be said for the success of exposure therapy, to force you unwilling into that or to do so without the guidance of a trained professional is arguably abusive-" 

Roman stiffened. "What?" 

Logan mentally kicked himself. “I- Roman, I’m sorry. I didn’t-” He sighed and shook his head. “I should have been more careful with my wording. I’m sorry.”

“Y-you think they abused me?” 

“It may have not been...intended that way, in their minds forcing you to ‘face your fear’ may have been helping, but by definition of what happened, yes. The way you were treated was abusive. It was the actions of caregiver causing serious emotional harm, and in the case of your dietary needs, physical harm.” 

“Were you ever going to tell me that?”

“Yes,” Logan answered without hesitation. “I believe you deserve to know and understand the full implications of what you’ve lived through. Admittedly...I was hesitant to do so. It seemed it was always a matter of bringing up bad news when you were in a good mood and ruining a good day, or worsening a bad one with even worse news, and neither of those was ideal.” 

Roman smiled faintly, tears running down his cheeks, and dropped his head onto Logan’s shoulder. “Really have a way with words, huh?”

Logan ducked his head. “I’m sorry-”

“No, it’s- it helps. It helps when you just sorta state stuff the way they are. Gives me less to process if you’re not trying to beat around the bush. Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome,” Logan answered softly, though still somewhat confused by Roman’s reaction. 

"I think I knew. I think I already knew, I just… wanted someone else to say it. I wanted…" 

"You wanted confirmation that it was wrong," Logan offered. 

The teen nodded. "Yeah. I heard so often that I was being dramatic about stuff that… I wasn't sure if- if it counted. Or...or if I was being overdramatic."

"It was real," Logan answered softly. "And I'm sorry, Roman." 

Roman shrugged. "At least now I know, I guess." 

"That is a very important first step healing," Logan agreed. "That does not necessarily mean it will be all smooth sailing, as they say, from here. And abuse and trauma are not synonymous. It is possible to have one without the other. But that is a matter for another time. Are you alright?”

“Not even remotely. But I’m okay for tonight, I think. I’m exhausted.”

“Would you like to stay here?” Logan offered. 

“Kinda? It’s- it’s still hard. I know you’re okay with it, but it’s still- it’s doesn’t- in my head-” He huffed in frustration. 

“It’s hard to get rid of what other people have told you,” Logan filled in.

The teen nodded. “Yeah.” 

“That will get easier with time. I’m not going to lie to you, sometimes I still struggle with that. But it does get easier. Why don’t you get comfortable? And I’ll get Scorch for you.”

“Y-You don’t have to.” 

“I _want_ to. I’m sure that will make you more comfortable.” 

“Thank you.” 

Logan smiled. “You’re welcome.” He came to his feet and kissed Roman’s head, then picked up his phone and turned on the flashlight before heading out of the room.

Roman flopped over sideways with a sniffle and set the flashlight on the nightstand so it faced the wall. He was so very tired, and his chest ached dully. There were a million questions knocking around in his head like bumper cars, but they could wait till morning. For now, he was safe. Safe and-

“Incoming!” 

Roman jumped when his little red dragon landed on his chest. 

Logan snickered as he came around the other side of the bed. “Didn’t mean to startle you.” 

“Yes, you did,” Roman accused. 

“How rude! I would never.”

“You absolutely would.”

“You’re right, I would. But not tonight. That’s why I gave you a warning.” 

“Some warning,” Roman scoffed. 

“You’re most welcome.”

Roman rolled his eyes and rested his forehead against his big brother’s arm as Logan settled beneath the blankets. “Will you tell me a story?” 

“What story would you like to hear?” 

“Do you remember the one you wrote for me?” 

Logan smiled. “I’m surprised you remember that.” 

“I kept it.” 

“You did?” he asked in surprise. 

Roman nodded. “I had to keep it hidden so no one would throw it out, but I still have it. I wanna get it laminated.” 

“I’m sure we can manage that. It was based on the Princess and the Pea, wasn’t it?” Roman nodded and Logan tucked an arm under his head, pulling him a little closer... “Let’s see how much I remember.” Logan began the story and it took almost no time before the teen cuddled against his side drifted off. Still he continued the story. It seemed the least he could do after the long night Roman had had. “And they lived happily ever after,” he finished and brushed back the stark white bangs. “Goodnight, Sir Prince Roman.” 


End file.
